Reality continues to ruin my life

The title of this post is a quote from Bill Watterson. I don't know what he was thinking; I don't know what kind of man he was; but I take from this statement a sense of longing for the unreachable, the burning passion for what will never be, a disappointment in being unable to be who you really are-the constant battle of 2 waring worlds - this one we live in and the one that goes on inside of us.

I don't know - is it wrong to blog when I feel like this" “Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living.”-Jonathon Safran Foer.

So why is "hope" so important? Why can almost every human live without almost anything, bar hope. Hope is the one thing that makes us go on. Hope that the sun will shine tomorrow, hope that the tears will stop, hope that laughing will become a daily exercise, hope that our children are being trained in the way they should go, hope that the baggage kids have in the next generation will not be unpackable,  hope that what happens today is not the end, hope that our lives don't end with one full-stop but rather a whole heap of them that leads us to the new paragraph of our life story.

I'm told that wishing my life away with dreams instead of living this life is wasteful. But why do some people get to live out their dreams or live in their dreams while others are left with the burden never knowing what its like to have a dream fulfilled? Or then there is the nasty truth, that some dreams are realised, but once there, they are more like a nightmare.

Have I depressed you yet?

Perhaps you don't like getting a glimpse of this stuff inside my head. But at the same time, if you know me, then you know that this is part of me. I am who I am. All the nicest moments of my life and personality are balanced out with craziness, confusion, 'haven't got it made', aspects too. And really, is there anyone who has lived that hasn't questioned their very existence?!

What I do know, is that I don't walk alone.
While I might struggle with what life throws at me, and I struggle with what goes on inside of myself, I don't struggle alone.

I have THE MOST WONDERFUL man in the world by my side. And I can never over-state that!
I have 4 AMAZINGLY PRECIOUS and UNIQUE little people in my care.
I have FRIENDS and I wouldn't, nah, couldn't, do life without them.
I have FAMILY, near and far, hard or easy, same or different, living or passed - I have heritage.

I know GOD.
The artist of this creation - the beauty of the one I live on and the beauty of the one I live in.

I relate to this sunflower that grew in my garden.
Its not as spatacular as normal ones, a reject in height and size.
Its stretched and strange in appearance.

But, it is looking in 2 directions, desperate to see more of the world than just what is straight infront of it, excepting the cost to itself just to have a boarder, fuller picture of the world around it.