Reality continues to ruin my life

The title of this post is a quote from Bill Watterson. I don't know what he was thinking; I don't know what kind of man he was; but I take from this statement a sense of longing for the unreachable, the burning passion for what will never be, a disappointment in being unable to be who you really are-the constant battle of 2 waring worlds - this one we live in and the one that goes on inside of us.

I don't know - is it wrong to blog when I feel like this" “Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living.”-Jonathon Safran Foer.

So why is "hope" so important? Why can almost every human live without almost anything, bar hope. Hope is the one thing that makes us go on. Hope that the sun will shine tomorrow, hope that the tears will stop, hope that laughing will become a daily exercise, hope that our children are being trained in the way they should go, hope that the baggage kids have in the next generation will not be unpackable,  hope that what happens today is not the end, hope that our lives don't end with one full-stop but rather a whole heap of them that leads us to the new paragraph of our life story.

I'm told that wishing my life away with dreams instead of living this life is wasteful. But why do some people get to live out their dreams or live in their dreams while others are left with the burden never knowing what its like to have a dream fulfilled? Or then there is the nasty truth, that some dreams are realised, but once there, they are more like a nightmare.

Have I depressed you yet?

Perhaps you don't like getting a glimpse of this stuff inside my head. But at the same time, if you know me, then you know that this is part of me. I am who I am. All the nicest moments of my life and personality are balanced out with craziness, confusion, 'haven't got it made', aspects too. And really, is there anyone who has lived that hasn't questioned their very existence?!

What I do know, is that I don't walk alone.
While I might struggle with what life throws at me, and I struggle with what goes on inside of myself, I don't struggle alone.

I have THE MOST WONDERFUL man in the world by my side. And I can never over-state that!
I have 4 AMAZINGLY PRECIOUS and UNIQUE little people in my care.
I have FRIENDS and I wouldn't, nah, couldn't, do life without them.
I have FAMILY, near and far, hard or easy, same or different, living or passed - I have heritage.

I know GOD.
The artist of this creation - the beauty of the one I live on and the beauty of the one I live in.

I relate to this sunflower that grew in my garden.
Its not as spatacular as normal ones, a reject in height and size.
Its stretched and strange in appearance.

But, it is looking in 2 directions, desperate to see more of the world than just what is straight infront of it, excepting the cost to itself just to have a boarder, fuller picture of the world around it.

A holiday in our van

Ah, there is nothing like a holiday to help you pretend that the real world doesn't exist and that enjoying God's creation and His people IS actually what you do everyday of your life.

Mind you, I am incredibly thankful for this wonderful van that God enabled us to have, but it is a love-hate relationship..... I LOVE it because it is so great and useful and cool, but I HATE it just sitting in our carport for months without being used. I WANT TO TRAVEL AUSTRALIA IN IT!!! and if I had my way, we would be doing just that, sooner rather than later. But God's timing is what matters and despite my feelings, I will stop on the Reds and I will go on the Greens:)

Our break took us to Wollongong and the caravan park had the biggest spaces to camp ever! It also had an indoor heated pool, which we were all pleased to enjoy, since the wind made the beach very undesirable to swim in. Other than that, you can probably imagine the chaos that 9 kids and 5 adults participated in over the 3 night stay:) The Kings, The Sabbens and The Armstrongs less a big sister and Daddy.

However, the fun you couldn't guess we had, was the day of tattooing.....scared? Well, I should have been! It started all very innocently as I used 6 glitter bodyart pens I had to start sharing some fun with the kids. After hours of "can I have a....." requests, the talk turned to "can I have a GO...." so I unleased their creative skills and my body was the sacrifice. BUT the awesome thing was I loved it! Attention! and lots of it! It felt like it does when someone brushes and plays with my hair! and the fun went on for hours (well, almost:). By the end I was COVERED-legs,feet, arms, hands, face, even inside my ears!

And another extraordinary time was when we braved going to the HUGE park near the beach. It wasn't until we got there, that all the adults turned to eachother and said "we should have dressed the kids in fluros". Amongst the other billion kids playing there they all looked the same! And while all the little kids had a glorious time running from one form of slide to another form of ride, my two big boys spent their whole time pushing a swing - load after load of kids, helping them on, helping them off, for near 1 and 1/2 hours the video explains! (Love my boys!)

Hmm... and what else? Really other than that, all you missed out on was, snot from my cold, sleepless nights with Swae, Ezri's eczema that flared up from the sea, whinging from boys about who gets the play what electronic device next, a traffic jam on the highway on the way home....etc etc.

No really, it was a lovely time away, we shared a meal at Hog's Breath ('cos kids ate for free!), games nights, laughing at Linda getting the giggles, lots of snuggles with lots of kids (Karen's littlest never sat in a chair, she sat on a free lap), endless times of chasing the seagulls, riding bikes/skates/scooters and just enjoying a good sit!

That's holidays with the Sabbens!

PS - Yes, I am aware that I have not shared a photo of Kael, but do you know how hard it is to get a good picture of a 10 year old?

Years later......(almost anyway - Freaky)

Oh my, how many things have come and gone in our life and changed since my last update!!!! I can't believe the adventures that have happened since.... almost 2 years of them now.

I sit here in bed on the 4th April 2012 sick with a cold and thought it would be nice to take a trip down memory lane of the blog I once started.

What is really cool is reading the things I wrote, about my life and our life as a family, and today I feel encouraged and blessed:)

The adventures that follows in the months after my last blog are incredible and amazing but cutting to the point, I completed my year of study at Capernwray, then Garth complete the same course at Capers in 2011 and now this year Garth is employeed as Ministry Coordinator at Capernwray! (I also help out where I can:)

Can you also believe that my biggest boy Rykr started High School this year? Actually, if you check out his photo - of course you can believe it, because he is huge - now offically taller than me! It also blows my mind that Kael is in year 5 and has started learning to play the cello and he is amazing - natural talent and love! And while we are on the mind blowing up dates, Ezri started school and is loving kindergarten - trust me, she was made for it! And as for Swae... well, somethings never change and she is one - we still don't sleep well, she still spends lots of time whinging and crying and demanding affection. But she's blonde and cute and our baby, its truly freaky what you learn to love - hee hee:)

Best of all, is Garth and I - how awesome is our God that he strengthens and builds our marriage, so much so, that it is truly like no other and I wouldn't want it any other way! Together since Jan 1993 and married since Nov 1997 and we are still hopelessly in love with each other and pathetic at arguments - we just can't seem to manage to do them!

Probably the best bit of our new job at capers is getting along side the students and witnessing marriage and family to them - we LOVE having people in our house and we LOVE feeding them, having fun together, talking, sharing and supporting them and giving them a place to stay when needed.

I need to make more time to appreciate my unique family, tell them how special they are, and how I really am thankful to God for Our Sabben Tales.